Saturday, July 2, 2011

Just a Feeling.

" Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope. "

Well, I'm back. It hasn't even been a week- but the days seem to move by so slowly, like homemade maple syrup on a hot summer day. It feels like a month has passed, and in that space of time- maybe it was 5 days,  weeks or months (it's hard to tell) my life has changed tremendously. And of course I avoided blogging for the simple fear that I would let my emotions get the best of me. I'm not sure what led me to believe today was the day I would pick up my blog where I last left off, but here I am anyway.

I have been forced to reevaluate a number of things in my life in the past few days- what is truly important to me, where I stand when it comes to my beliefs and values, and where exactly is my life headed. What do I want from this life God has been so kind to bless me with? After all- I only have one to live. He implores me to make the best of what He has given me.

So here I sit, trying to sift through all the emotions and feelings that crash down on me like a giant tidal wave. And for some bizarre reason, my mind flashes to the words of the infamous Carrie Bradshaw. Sure she is a fictional character on a scandalous show filmed in the 90's- but her words she wrote concerning love and relationships was far from fiction. For example-

"When you're young- your whole life is about pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap, and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net." 

or my personal favorite, which incidentally defines my life perfectly:

"So many roads. So many detours. So many choices. So many mistakes." 

After all, our lives ARE full of mistakes- that's how we learn right from wrong, what's best for us and what's not so great. And Carrie said it best when she proclaimed: "Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate."

But it's so hard to be optimistic and see the big picture when your heart is shattered. This, I have had plenty of experience me on that. Picking yourself back up is always a challenging task, but the important thing to remember is that things really are going to turn out okay in the end. And if it's not okay- well... then it's not the end. The best thing you can do for yourself is lean on the ones that have always been there for you: your friends, your family...all those people in your life that make it so wonderful and blessed. After all, you aren't alone (even in the dead of the night when you can't see anything through your desperate tears). We've all been there- some more than others its true (ie, me), but everyone knows how it feels. You deserve the one deserves to be lonely and sad. So don't do it to yourself! Pick your head up, and keep on...keeping on. And in the words of Carrie:

"As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she just has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up...and just keep going."

No matter how hard it gets, you're never alone.

and just in case you're still listening...

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